Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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