Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
