What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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