you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
