Having a random hookup so left but love u
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
