I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
