When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
