I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
