dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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