I'm going to jail i love you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
