apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
