what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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