That's intense
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
