took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
