The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
