I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
