We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
BRING THE BAGELS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
