I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
