By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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