Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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