Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
