i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
