mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
