she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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