dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
