I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
