you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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