I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
