Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
pray to the hookup gods
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
