i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
