I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
