Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
