I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
