Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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