youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
