god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
