Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
