Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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