NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
