i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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