i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
