I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
