Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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