Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
