yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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