we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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