but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
