He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
