It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
