I will die if light touches me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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