You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
