Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
