I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
