I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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