dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
