My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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