So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
